Why can’t women be more like men?

Why can’t women be more like men? Loading

Inequality of gender. Lots of buzz. Inequality of sexes. Nada. Curious to know what I mean?

One burning billion dollar question. For which I haven’t found an answer. Why do women stop enjoying sex the day they stop feeling good about their bodies? In what way are the two connected?

Haven’t we all said, at some point or another, to our guys:

Post baby tummy is fat and jiggly. So don’t expect me to be the woman on top.

I have fat arms, so do you mind if I keep my full-sleeved shirt on?

I have fat thighs so please can you switch off the light before your hands go there?

My boobs have succumbed to gravity so please don’t squeeze them, they are not my e zone any more.

My double chin wobbles so please shut your eyes when we kiss.

Have you ever heard a man say:

My beer belly is godawful, so I will lie on my back and you do all the hard work.

My spindly thighs look weird, so can you please draw the curtains before you run your hand on them?

The hair down there is the Amazon forest run amok, you need earth mover claws to cut through it to my skin for me to feel anything there, so don’t waste your time

You need google maps to search for my nipples babe, just cut to the chase

My tool is imitating Rip Van Winkle, come back after a few years

No, na?

For a guy, sex is a physical act. He has an itch, he needs to scratch. He gets his woman to scratch it. Simple.

For us women, it is an itch, but before we scratch it, it should look right, feel right and the time should be right! And the biggest mother of them all, the guy who scratches it should be someone who is like an old pair of shoes to us! Not so simple!!!

Why can’t a woman be more like a man (to paraphrase the good ol’ ‘Enry ‘Iggins in My Fair Lady)? So here’s my rip off on those immortal lyrics.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Why can’t a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you are fat will always give there a pat.

And gently say

Have you noticed, old girl

Our neighbor with a curl

She ain’t got any love handles one too many?
Why can’t a woman be like that?

Why do you do what the other women do?
Why can’t you women learn to use your head?
Why do you do everything your mothers do?
Why don’t you grow up, well, like your fathers instead?

Why can’t a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please.
Whenever you’re with them, you’re always at ease.

Would you be slighted if I was on my phone for hours?

COLONEL PICKERING:
Of course not.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?

COLONEL PICKERING:
Nonsense.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Would you be wounded if I asked: when are you due at the salon dear?

COLONEL PICKERING:
Never.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Well, why can’t a woman be like you?

Why can’t a woman take after a man?
‘Cause men are so friendly, good-natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.

If I were hours late for dinner would you shut the bedroom door on me?

COLONEL PICKERING:
Of course not.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
If I forgot to notice your new hair cut, would you fuss?

COLONEL PICKERING:
Nonsense.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Would you complain if I farted just when we were getting ready for bed?

Colonel Pickering
Never.

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Why can’t a woman be like us?

PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
Why can’t a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps;
Ready to help you through any mishaps;
Ready to buck you up whenever you’re glum.
Why can’t a woman be a chum?

Why is thinking something women never do?
And why is logic never even tried?
Straightening up their hair is all they ever do.
Why don’t they straighten up the mess that’s inside?

If I was a woman who’d been to a party,
Been hailed as a prima donna by one and by all;
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing,
if someone jealous said, darling, you seem to be overflowing
Would I run off and never tell me where I’m going?

Expecting me to guess i must have gone gymming?

Why can’t a woman be like me?

That is the burning billion-dollar question. Why can’t we women be more like men?

 

AVERAGE READER RATINGS

RATE THIS ARTICLE


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nandini Vaidyanathan is the founder of Carma Connect (www.CarmaConnect.in) which mentors entrepreneurs, teaches entrepreneurship in ivy league business schools across the world, writes on entrepreneurship (has written two best sellers), climbs and treks. She loves to live life on her terms, using her discretion and not someone else’s.

See all Siya Writers


Comments

comments


RECOMMENDED FOR YOU



Let great stories find you.

Write for Siya

If you can write, you should do so on SiyaWoman.
Send us a note on Contact@SiyaWoman.com.