The Best Payback for 200 Years of British Rule

Written By

Chitra Doraiswami

The Best Payback for 200 Years of British Rule Loading

You know what this is about, don’t you? It’s about revenge. We put up with two hundred years of British rule and it’s payback time. First we sent people. We have lots and lots of those. So, we sent generous numbers to settle there. So many a mini India was carved out of England, mainly. Then we took what was really precious to them and systematically started decimating it… I mean their language. The Americans, the Africans and some other Asian nations, are also collaborating in this.

Our journalists I thank sincerely, for keeping this guerilla warfare going. Take this gem, for instance. A leading Bangalore daily attributed it to a well-known writer, “….she says English is getting worser by the day in our schools”.

The same paper called an enterprising lady who holds exhibitions of her work, as an ‘exhibitionist’. I promise you, she is a modest woman and not a flasher.

Another pal earnestly told me her husband is a ‘ladies man’…he loves to help women (or loves to help himself to women?).

This one is so common that I dare not attribute it to any one person. ’You can be rest assured…’.

Of course, since we are a little dense, we are told, “Meet my cousin sister…” Maybe they thought the mustache would confuse us? We also have any number of ‘co’s…co brother, co sister, co partner. Silly me, I thought ‘co’ meant ‘partner’.

A coworker (correctly used, I hope) was a lot of fun.  I told her, admiringly, “You are game for anything!” “Yes,” she agreed happily, “I’m a game”. Since hunting is frowned on now, I hope nobody has shot her yet.

I was groaning and moaning that my picky family won’t eat the same thing twice. My neighbor advised me to make sappaghetti now and then. Her family loves it. “Wow, give me the recipe,” I begged. Can you guess what it was? Yes! That was it.

My father’s friend used to, now and then, tell my Dad sadly, that he yearned for his family. Were they far away, poor guy?  Not at all. He probably wanted them to go far away and not spend all his ‘earnings’.

Chandigarh has these dhabhas that start way out in the highway even before we get anywhere near the city. This guy had the strangest items on the menu. This one caught my eye. ‘Sonalkadhus’ it said. How exotic! Whatever could it be? “Have you never eaten one?” the disbelieving waiter asked me. “You look a ‘mem’”. That is, modern. I had short hair and wore jeans (don’t laugh. My butt was half this size). So, show me already…

“Do double roti slice lele, kuchbhi beech me dal do…” a bloody sandwich, I ask you!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chitra Doraiswami, 69, is from Bangalore. She has written for many publications such as the Deccan Herald, The Times, Femina, Eve’s Weekly, etc. Chitra has many an interesting tale to tell including the one about finishing her Masters along with her son; sadly “only” getting a First Class, where her son got a rank. She joined CMR, NPS as Headmistress two decades ago and is now known as the Associate Principal of the institution. She also has a sixteen year old grandson. Chitra is an avid dancer, reader and drama-enthusiast. She's traveled extensively with her husband who was in the IAF. She taught wherever they were posted. Chitra enjoys teaching people innovative ways of helping children learn, but she is definitely not the prototypical fluffy grandma!

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