Sands of time (Part 4)

Written By

Debolina Coomar

Sands of time Loading

(Contd from Part 3)

“How did he get hurt?! You stay at home all day! Still, you cannot look after him? What do you do all day?” my husband screamed at me when Atul was 5 years old and he fell from the sofa. He was jumping on it and by the time I went to hold him, he slipped and fell. That night, I cried for two reasons. One, because my little boy was hurt so badly, and two, wondering about my husband’s question. I wondered, ‘what do I do all day?’ I clean the house, I cook food, I look after our little boy and…and I could not think of anything that I did for myself the entire day.

Not that I was complaining about my life as a housewife and a mother, I had a lot to do, but didn’t I also deserve a little bit of appreciation and applause, or even a pat on the back? When I got married and came to my husband’s place, I almost had a doctrine of instructions to follow. Naresh (my husband) was a decent man and I looked forward to a lovely relationship with him after being somewhat evicted of my rights from my family. Though it was an arranged marriage, I had hoped to make it work.

I was waiting for him to shower all that love and support, which I had missed in my own house. And he did, but he had his limitations too – his conservative family, his upbringing, his own ego, and his patriarchal mindset. He consoled me behind closed doors, but never took a stand for me out in the open. He would ask me what I liked but never appreciated my talents. He would sometimes, appreciate my culinary skills, but never bothered to ask if I had eaten. He would compliment my looks, but he never got a gift for me. I was like his prized possession, more because of my external appearance, rather than my inner self.

Well, I had left my fairy tale world behind, and adjusted to reality. Naresh never showed his love and affection explicitly, but I still believed that he loved me. And, I unquestioningly accepted this almost my entire life.

Then, I found a new reason to feel love when my son was born. Everybody in the house was pleased because a male child was born. Sometimes, it was so disheartening to hear their patriarchal comments. Nevertheless, Naresh was a great father, but he hardly shared any of the household responsibilities. Those times, equal parenting had no meaning. It was all a mother’s job. And, I loved doing every bit of it, but sometimes it was sad that after doing so much, I was always put to the test.

I remember I would sit with my diary and pen, after finishing all the chores to find some sanity for myself. But, if the slightest of things went wrong, I was blamed that I did not take care of the house or my child, and wasted my time in fancy things like writing. At times, the only marks on my diary pages were teardrops which spoke volumes more than the written ones.

Amidst all this, I survived being a daughter-in-law, a wife and a mother, fulfilling every duty, except being ME. But, alas, my sacrifices were never enough. I thought I was a good mother to my children, at least I presumed until one day, Atul went on to strike Jia – physically. I was shocked! That behaviour, with all the values I tried to inculcate in him, he had picked up his father’s dominating, patriarchal traits. That day, I felt that I had failed as a mother, as a woman. But, I guess I brought my son with the same ideologies that Naresh had been brought up with. Did I have the courage to change that?

I used to be proud of my little boy, but there were instances when I could see my reflection in Jia, and still, I could not say anything. After all, Atul was my son. Yes, a son, who lived in a male dominated society. Will the society ever let us change? Do we really want to change?

Read part 5 next week to know if grandma gets out of her past and does something about her present..and the future.




As a believer of 'live & let live', Debolina likes to enjoy the little things of life. As a person who enjoys reading, writing and interacting with people, she finds it exciting to write about emotions, experiences, stories, lifestyle, parenting, self-improvement, current affairs and pretty much everything that affects a common man's life. Debolina is an ex-HR and Corp. Comm. professional, wife to a wonderful husband, mother to a lovely daughter; and a freelance content, creative writer, content developer and blogger. She strives to ignite the power of thought with a whole new perspective. Debolina shares her thoughts at:

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