Designer L M Star

Written By

Chitra Doraiswami

Designer L M Star Loading

Have you heard of this famous designer, L M Star? No? He is the one who designed bras, with the clasp at the back. The older you get, the more you need it (if you don’t want to get smacked in your face by your boobs when you jog) and the more difficult it gets to put on the clasp.

He is the guy who invented the Stiletto too. He has convinced all the women in the world that they look great in them and they gladly take on low back pain to look ‘killer-diller’ in their seven-inch heels..the heel (I mean LM Star, of course).

The other bugbear of all women between 15 and 50 is not his doing but his patron’s, Mr. Indra, Designation –King of the Gods, address – Swarg. He, in his usual rash way, killed a Rishi’s son and that sin haunted him. He convinced our great, great, great, (add a few more) grandmom to take on this onus and free him. Our silly ancestor fell for his charm and since then we (and the rivers) get periods every month.

He said that he would be back in no time to take back his sin, just stretch his limbs a bit, you know!… And he is yet to keep his word.

Anyway, what can we expect from a guy like this?! He has a darn cute wife, countless cuties like Rambha who does the Rumba and Samba, but he still goes about seducing Rishis’ wives. Can’t blame the poor Rishi patnis, really. There they are, the Rishis with a topknot heavier than their spouse’s, with a beard that covers them from nose to belly and a passion for prayer, fasts, etc that does nothing for their physique. All the Rishi wants from his dutiful wife is…well, duty. Fetch grass, twigs, milk the cows, get the ghee, etc., etc. They never notice the teensy blouse, the low-slung skirt, the side-long glances. Eyes are shut in ‘dhyan’..and into this scenario walks Indra, flashing his six-pack abs and twirling his mustache. He will swear he has the Rishi’s permit to keep her happy.

Just when things are getting cozy, the Rishi will wake up and curse his poor wife but forgive this lout, Indra. Who will send rain to the world if he is turned to stone?

Not that things are any better in Valhalla, the Norse heaven. It seems like a set out of some John Wayne or Clint Eastwood Western, a dirty saloon, boorish and boisterous Viking- like characters, sucking up to their boss Odin, pinching buxom blonde waitresses and generally being crude. Frigga, his Queen (Odin’s that is), gave her name to Friday and that was it. End of her story.

Another of LM Star’s patron is Zeus of Olympus. Zeus has set up his hearth and home on top of this mountain in Greece with Hera. He set it up but is seldom there. He is busy eyeballing all the chic chicks on earth. One of them changed her form from chick to swan. He became cob to her pen and didn’t leave her till she dropped a cygnet or two! Talk about persistence!

Change of scene but the same sort of mentality. Zeus became Jove in the Roman pantheon and admired the statuesque Juno. He promptly lost interest in her the moment she said a coy ‘Yes’ and started chasing all the luscious girls in Rome (and its conquered territories too. His heart was open to all good looking females–colour and race, no bar). In fact, his inamoratas too tried their best to lose him by taking on various animal forms. Alas, but no! With a thousand years of practice under his belt, he was more than a match for these girls. He changed shape even faster than they did. In fact, it was downright difficult to know whether you called the midwife or the vet for the delivery!

So, you see, girls. It’s nothing new. Men have been given the license to harass ladies by such a lecherous legion of nasties, the kings of gods. And of course, they would hire guys such as LM Star to keep us girls busy and in pain and off-kilter by their devilish inventions! Oh, of course, you do know LM Star – Lucifer Morning Star! Also known as Satan.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chitra Doraiswami, 69, is from Bangalore. She has written for many publications such as the Deccan Herald, The Times, Femina, Eve’s Weekly, etc. Chitra has many an interesting tale to tell including the one about finishing her Masters along with her son; sadly “only” getting a First Class, where her son got a rank. She joined CMR, NPS as Headmistress two decades ago and is now known as the Associate Principal of the institution. She also has a sixteen year old grandson. Chitra is an avid dancer, reader and drama-enthusiast. She's traveled extensively with her husband who was in the IAF. She taught wherever they were posted. Chitra enjoys teaching people innovative ways of helping children learn, but she is definitely not the prototypical fluffy grandma!

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