A Valentine’s Day Analysis of What Women Want in their Men

Written By

Chitra Doraiswami

What Women Want in their Men Loading

This special, fabulous February: at the confluence of Valentine’s Day, leap year and Pride and Prejudice’s 203rd Birthday; let me ask you girls a question. Do you not still dream of finding that perfect guy who would sweep you off your feet? Aah, come on, I don’t believe you. Look at all the dating apps that are flourishing! It’s ok even if you are married. A girl can dream, can’t she?

Let’s talk about what we want in our hero.

The first thing is that he should love you…passionately, deathlessly and endlessly (Why not? He hasn’t seen you first thing in the morning, bleary-eyed and yawning). What we want is a bit of Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Rochester (Jane Eyre) or Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights).

He is tall and handsome (but, of course). An interesting scar, a minor limp… all add to his attractions.

He is suave and sophisticated and won’t hog the TV watching cricket and drinking beer. It follows that he won’t have a paunch or snore like the neighbours are sawing wood.

He has to have loads of moolah. Which poor man can afford the shoe bills we would like to run up? We can easily get accustomed to high-society, right?

He is cultivated, smart and well bred – Darcy with a lift of the left eyebrow could put down the ‘pretensions’ of any upstart. Alas, we don’t ‘do’ peers and royalty anymore but we have no problems with scions of the Tatas, Birlas and Ambanis. We will manage somehow.

Rochester and Heathcliff had this dark Byronic air — a ‘kiss me now, my love’ approach, the Devil take the world! Thrilling, but tiresome when you are struggling with your papers and handbag and worrying about the presentation.

What good is a broody, morose guy when what you want is some cheering up on a rainy, boring winter’s night? (You can’t make love as a way of passing the time…you don’t want to be perennially exhausted!). I would prefer a composed Darcy any day. Or better still, a Rhett Butler (Gone with the Wind) to keep me smiling and happy.

Rhett brings humour and a touch of the devil. You know you can’t push him too far. He will say, ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,’ and slap on a hat and leave you for greener pastures.

Darcy, in his very British way, may freeze you out of his life if you try him too much. I would miss his upper crust accent as much as I would his tender, loving care – read the book. You will know what I mean.

So, in conclusion: it’s evident that what we really want is a mix of Darcy and Rhett Butler with a touch of Rochester.  If you find one like that, let me know. I’ll come and check out if he has an uncle or two like him!




Chitra Doraiswami, 69, is from Bangalore. She has written for many publications such as the Deccan Herald, The Times, Femina, Eve’s Weekly, etc. Chitra has many an interesting tale to tell including the one about finishing her Masters along with her son; sadly “only” getting a First Class, where her son got a rank. She joined CMR, NPS as Headmistress two decades ago and is now known as the Associate Principal of the institution. She also has a sixteen year old grandson. Chitra is an avid dancer, reader and drama-enthusiast. She's traveled extensively with her husband who was in the IAF. She taught wherever they were posted. Chitra enjoys teaching people innovative ways of helping children learn, but she is definitely not the prototypical fluffy grandma!

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